The 10 Most Interesting Things About Me

I never consider my life to be particularly interesting, although, when I think about it, it has been injected with some unusual times and events. Here are the top 10.

Boarding school

Most of my schooldays were spent at a boarding school in North Yorkshire. It wasn’t quite Tom Brown’s School Days but it was quite an experience, the memories of which will stay with me until the day I die. “Jenner, don’t you glare at me.” It still sends shudders down my spine when my wife says it!

Burning down the house

Shortly after leaving full-time education, I managed to leave a chip pan on (a deep fryer for french fries for my US visitors!) and burned down my parents’ house. Luckily my dog didn’t stop barking or I might not be here to tell the tale. Anyway my parents were pretty miffed (when they found out I was OK) but probably not as much as the insurance company!

Getting run over

At 18 years old, I climbed on the bonnet of my friend’s Dad’s borrowed Range Rover just before he drove away from a drinking session. I must point out that he was not drinking alcohol. For a joke, (we were young and stupid), he drove off with me clinging on. Gradually as I slipped further and further down the bonnet, he realized that I was about to slide off. Unfortunately braking only hurried my departure and I landed on my head. The next thing I remember was waking up in hospital where I stayed for 10 days with a fractured skull. I’m told I’ve never been the same but what do they know? Who said that?

Holidaying in far away places

School holidays were spent wherever my father was working. Visits included Baghdad, Bahrain, Kano (Nigeria) and Riyadh (Saudi Arabia). My first day of the Christmas holidays in Riyadh saw a police car tearing down our street, one officer leaning out of the car window while shooting (with a machine gun – no less!) at the car in front. He wasn’t much of a shot but took out most of the parked cars with ease. Turned out that the couple in the car ahead were having an affair and should not have been together. So if you think your justice system is harsh, remember this.

DIY accidents

As an avid DIYer I have crushed several fingers – one with an acrow prop (the finger still looks like a spade!) and one with a sledge hammer. I’ve also been electrocuted twice and managed to hit my Black Labrador, Mac, in the chest with a pick-axe (he lived – don’t worry).

Karate aged 40

I took up karate at age 40 and reached brown belt grade before giving up after too many injuries. Turns out my wife was right and 40 is too old after all.

The Orient Express dream

Encouraged by a fond childhood memory of the love of sleeping on trains, I eventually realized my dream of spending a night on the Orient Express between Venice and Rome. The trouble was though, that my wife was pregnant and got motion sick and the train made such a racket that we didn’t get a wink of sleep – what a disaster. Where was the guy with the can to oil the bloody couplings?

To relax

My hobbies include tennis, which I don’t play anymore but I watch avidly (supporting Maria Sharapova and Roger Federer), reading (as many indie authors as I can) and movies (my all-time favorites of which include The Shawshank Redemption, The Exorcist (although the book was better) and The Godfather). Why does every great film start with “The …”?

I’m a superhero

In my spare time, I am a superhero – well my son thinks so at least. Here I am as Super Dad along with Wonder Mum in a comic he drew for us!

In my dreams, I’m a freelance assassin dishing out justice to those most deserving. That was the inspiration at least for a new book I have in outline where a man, down on his luck, is lured into the profession to make ends meet with unexpected consequences.

My real job

I am a qualified accountant and had my own accountancy practice for 6 years after working in the industry for 25 years … blah, blah, blah, I’m going to sleep too. I promised interesting but I lied just to get to 10 things. I’m so ashamed of myself.

If there’s anything else you’d like to know, please leave me a comment and I’ll do my best to make up something interesting!