The Things I’m Most Afraid Of

Well nothing of course. With a day job that means I murder, torture and maim people for entertainment, what could I possibly be afraid of?

OK there are a few things – that’s why my Mac and I are best friends and I avoid everyone else!

So here goes:

Being stabbed – well more precisely being too weak to get my own back on my attacker after being stabbed. After all revenge is the name of my game, the bad guy always gets their just deserts so I’d have to make this person suffer for what they’d done. But my strength is dwindling … he is laughing as my vision turns black.

Being stabbed seems particularly horrific – the thought of a blade being plunged into me by someone who is at such close quarters – it’s too personal. I think I’d rather be shot from a distance. If someone is going to be in my face when they take me out, I want to know I can take them with me.

InjectionGeneral anaesthetics – I have told my wife that under no circumstances is she to allow doctors to put me under. I’m sure this irrational fear is the result of watching too many movies and also my need to remain in control of my destiny at all times. She has other ideas though and informs me that she has every intention of allowing doctors to do whatever they need to do to keep me alive. What’s a man to do?

Luckily I have no problem with local anaesthetics although the injections for my vasectomy weren’t great – in fact, they were quite distressing and now I’ve reminded myself about them. Let’s change the subject.

Crowds – on a more serious note, now medical procedures have darkened my mood, my last fear is of large crowds. In 1989 I was at Hillsborough, Sheffield when nearly a hundred supporters were crushed to death. I had never been a fan of large crowds, but this experience left me even more paranoid and I will now avoid the feeling of being ‘boxed in’ at all costs.

The more I write of these ‘Personal Crap’ blog posts, the more I realize that being cooped up in my study writing all day, not being let out to interfere with society, is probably for the best all round!

Image credit: Andres Rueda

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